I am dealing with a dilemma.....

On April 13th 1977 I was born and named Brandon Marr Cashion, and thus I lived for 5 years through divorces and remarriages whereupon my Birth-Father, Tim decided to allow my Step-Father Ron to legally adopt me. At that time I made a very powerful choice. I was standing between two worlds and at 5, I decided that I wanted to retain who I had been while still moving forward to who I wanted to be, thus I was named Brandon Marr-Cashion Spratt. My previous last name became a part of my middle name and thus I retained my identity in all forms of who I was.

Now 24 years later, I am facing a similar identity. I am preparing to get married (2nd marriage for anyone who is counting), and My fiancee and I have been discussing what our names would be. We are not a couple who believes in convention and thus do not just accept the western (Euro-centric) viewpoint that my last name must overtake hers.

Thus I was prepared to take her name, journey, new name......

Now I mentioned this to my mother, who literally broke down in tears and begged me not to "do this to my father who gave me the gift of his name". I truly respect my family and I am proud of who I am as a result of their upbringing of me.

So as a result of guilt, I am now confused over how to proceed.
1) If we take my name, I am asking my wife to set aside her values for the patriarchal customs of the society we were born into.
2) If I take her name, I risk losing my family based upon the shame I would bring to them by so easily throwing away my name. (Words told to me, by the way)
3) We both keep our own names, thus eliminating this issue but it does lead issues when trying to establish yourself as a family in the U.S. as some agencies restrict the definitions to those with the same last name.
4) We hyphenate our last names, but that actually carries all the issues of the above possibilities.

Problems foreseeable in any possible move forward include:
The absolute fight that exists for a man to change his name upon marriage, versus the ease for a woman to do the same due to customs, procedures, and policies already in place.
No matter what choice we make, what then should the children's surname be?

This is a perplexing discussion and so I want to see if anyone might have any advice.
  • Current Mood
    pensive pensive

Les Mis

Well here I am sitting at work, and I am beyond tired. But I am not going to complain as the cause of my sleepiness was well worth these consequences.

Last night I took Ashley to Les Miserables for a Birthday gift. She had mentioned a while back that she wishes that she could go and experience this once more, as this is the show's last run.

It was beyond amazing, to start with by my definition I was expecting to view a musical and instead was met with an opera. For me the distinction between the two is simple. In a musical the lines are spoken, and music is an important but auxiliary part of the production. I am not even pretending that the music isn't amazing, just showing that the dialogue is meant to be totally understood. In an opera, the lines are sung, the music is THE FOCUS, not an auxiliary. In this point, the actual lines are less important than the feeling that the music brings.

I love operas, they are some of the most beautiful and moving bodies of music in existence. So far you can tell I was very pleased, but there is so much more. The lead male character, Jean Valjean, was so powerful. You could feel his plight and you felt such amazing compassion for him. The story is amazing and being set in Pre-Revolutionary France leads such power to the production. It was a time when the lines between rich and poor were becoming so wide that the people had nothing to lose by trying to revolt and change things.

For those who don't know this story...... Set in pre-revolutionary France, a man is released from prison after a 19-year sentence for stealing a loaf of bread to feed his nephew. He was required to carry release papers which while they allowed him to walk the streets placed him in a larger and more oppressive prison. After attempting to rob a Bishop who offered him food and shelter, and having the bishop not only refrain from turning him into the authorities but attempting to further aid him, this man makes a large change in his life, and becomes an honest and successful man, but yet becomes a fugitive and he breaks his parole by not presenting these papers wherever he goes.

Years later he meets a woman who through a turn of events he turned a blind eye to and in doing so unknowingly allowed the worst of atrocities to befall her. When he finds her near death and about to be arrested herself, he rescues her and takes her to a hospital, and agrees to raise her daughter who was being fostered by a pair of despicable abusive tavern owners.

I could give the whole plot... but really some thing just need to be seen to be understood..... This was written by Victor Hugo and will raise such passion in anyone who sees it I believe....

I find such parallels with this story in my own life.... Maybe that is why it has moved me so much but I can say with honest, it has been worth every cent of the $160.00 I have spent thus far to feel an experience like no other.
  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic

Newest update

Well here I am updating after such a long long time..... I do not write much as in most cases I do not wish to share my private life with others, I do wish to brag on what is good and make others feel bad... I do not wish to complain about what is bad and drag others down with me but alas I need to write something so here we are.....

First of all, for everyone keeping score I am divorced, In fact I have been divorced since June 1st of 2006. In a strange set of evens I didn't complete my handparting until July 5th of 2006. So both legally and spiritually I am separated from Kathleen. I do not hate her, in fact I do not even dislike her. She is to some extent what she was all along. My friend. It is wonderful to see the ways that she is growing and finding herself again. She is really a great woman.

NOW to my news.. I have kept this silent as I did not want to adversely affect someone else, but I really want to sky-write this, but due to cost I will just Post it here... LOL I am in love, not a new love, but I am reunited with the person I have loved longer than anyone else in the world. I have loved this girl for the last 10 years, I was involved with her 7 or 8 years ago depending on who's math you use (She was either 15 or 16 thus being our disagreement)..... Those who have known me have heard of her. She was the girl I left to get involved with Autumn. SHe is the girl who I cheated on Fayth with, She is the girl who no matter how hard I tried I could not get her out of my head and my heart.

Yes for those who know I am talking about MY Ashley.... We are back together and have been since January (or longer depending on what type of figuring is being used).... We are the happiest I can imagine any couple ever being. It is a strange place for me... Where I have had to compromise so much of who I was in the past to make things beautiful, I do not have to with her. There are so many parts of our lives that didn't work with other people, (eating styles, polyamoury, child-rearing, etc....) that we are able to not only make work but our relationship just keeps getting stronger and stronger.

My children are growing so big and they seem to love Ashley, which is a wonderful thing. Hell even Fayth seems to like Ashley which is so wonderful, when all the parents agree and work together, the children are the ones who benefit and truly that is always the most important thing.

Fayth and I share custody of both children, and yes both because even though I do not have biological connections to Hope, I love her as my daughter and want to offer her everything that I can the same way I am giving it to Ethan. I have both of them every other week switching back and forth every friday. it is a wonderful arrangement as both kids get maximum time with each parent and yet each parent gets time to breathe and get a mini vacation .... (Not that we don't each miss them like crazy on our weeks off).

I would gladly have the kids all the time, but this is a great arrangement for all parties and truly I am so happy that I have no desire to change it unless we can all makes things even better.

Okay, what else can I mention, Well I am vegetarian trying to be vegan. I have just seen too many PETA advertisements and I just can't condone the treatment these animals undergo at the factory farms. Now on the otherside, it is not an easy task to be vegan, vegetarian is fairly okay as I do not totally miss meat, not to say that I don't still long for fish though.... but it is hard to remove eggs and dairy products from your diet, not the direct forms, as I no longer eat eggs or drink cows milk, but just about everything has one or the other in them especially baked goods. So I am still working on making the total switch.

Well that is me in a nutshell... Ashley just turned 23 on Friday (7/7/83)... and Ethan will be 2 on August 28th. Life is floating along so nicely.
  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic

(no subject)

Here I am, I haven't written for a long long time..... So much has changed in my life.....

This last thursday .. April 13th... I turned 29..... One year until I am 30......

I am almost divorced, She was a good woman, but like any marriage we had our problems and alas they turned out to be serious enough that we decided to go our own ways.... I wish her only the best on the roads she takes throughout her life.... I have no hard feelings against her.....

I am dating a woman whom I have had feelings for since 1999. Her and I have a history and for whatever reason fate has brought us back together again... I am truly happy, and I want to sky write my happiness, but the last thing I want to do is inflict pain on anyone so I have remained silent, but I am very very happy with this woman. We have our differences, and sometimes it seems like we have alot of them, but she is different. She is intellectually my equal, she is the most mature woman I have known for a long time, and she is a great mother and "girlfriend". Truly who could ask for more.

We differ alot because I am caught in the "supposed" syndrome. For those who don't know what that is, I have started stating "Well a father is supposed to....." "A husband is supposed to...." "An american... a pagan.... a ....." I am caught in old tapes and a fixed idea on how I should be.... She is very professional, very responsible, and very successful, but not caught in that trap (as much) ... She challenges me at every point she can, but I feel I will be a better person for it.....

My children are growing so much, Hope my 5 year-old is turning into such a beautiful young lady, and I am doing everything I cna to give her every opportunity possible. Ethan my 19 month - old is growing in leaps and bounds. He is opinionated, driven, smart, and a total handful...

Career-wise I am still at Bell-Tech. It is a wonderful position, I am help desk for the Brown Forman company (makers of Jack Daniels, Southern Comfort, Tuaca, Finlandia, Korbel .. etc......) but I am nervous changes are going on fast at Bell-Tech so I never know what changes may be in order.....

Spirituality is going through an interesting journey. I took time away from the circle I was practicing with to seek out my spirituality. I tried unsuccessfully to start a shamanic practice circle. It failed due to lack of leadership and bad attempts at it..... So the direction I am going now is an interesting one. I recently saw the movie "What the bleep do we know?" I found there were alot of areas where my shamanic spirituality and Quantum Physics cross, meet and combine. I am now studying a spirituality that takes me back to the source and allows me a stronger communion and growth potential from it.

I will send more but for now, this is a minor glimpse into my life..... And for the record this wonderful woman is named Ashley, and yes for those who have known me for a while, this is THE Ashley, and yes I am the happiest I have been in a long long time......

And finally for anyone who cares, the first of the two people who are in prison for trying to kill me is getting out of prison on April 30th of this year, and the other gets out August of next, so I am very very nervous.

HUGS to all who still stand by me

  • Current Mood
    ecstatic ecstatic

(no subject)

the Romantic
Test finished!
you chose BY - your Enneagram type is FOUR.

"I am unique"

Romantics have sensitive feelings and are warm and perceptive.

How to Get Along with Me

  • Give me plenty of compliments. They mean a lot to me.
  • Be a supportive friend or partner. Help me to learn to love and value myself.
  • Respect me for my special gifts of intuition and vision.
  • Though I don't always want to be cheered up when I'm feeling melancholy, I sometimes like to have someone lighten me up a little.
  • Don't tell me I'm too sensitive or that I'm overreacting!

What I Like About Being a Four

  • my ability to find meaning in life and to experience feeling at a deep level
  • my ability to establish warm connections with people
  • admiring what is noble, truthful, and beautiful in life
  • my creativity, intuition, and sense of humor
  • being unique and being seen as unique by others
  • having aesthetic sensibilities
  • being able to easily pick up the feelings of people around me

What's Hard About Being a Four

  • experiencing dark moods of emptiness and despair
  • feelings of self-hatred and shame; believing I don't deserve to be loved
  • feeling guilty when I disappoint people
  • feeling hurt or attacked when someone misundertands me
  • expecting too much from myself and life
  • fearing being abandoned
  • obsessing over resentments
  • longing for what I don't have

Fours as Children Often

  • have active imaginations: play creatively alone or organize playmates in original game s
  • are very sensitive
  • feel that they don't fit in
  • believe they are missing something that other people have
  • attach themselves to idealized teachers, heroes, artists, etc.
  • become antiauthoritarian or rebellious when criticized or not understood
  • feel lonely or abandoned (perhaps as a result of a death or their parents' divorce)

Fours as Parents

  • help their children become who they really are
  • support their children's creativity and originality
  • are good at helping their children get in touch with their feelings
  • are sometimes overly critical or overly protective
  • are usually very good with children if not too self-absorbed

Renee Baron & Elizabeth Wagele

The Enneagram Made Easy
Discover the 9 Types of People
HarperSanFrancisco, 1994, 161 pages

You liked the test? so please RATE it :-)

You are not completely happy with the result?!
You chose BY

Would you rather have chosen:

  • AY (EIGHT)
  • CY (SIX)
  • BX (NINE)
  • BZ (FIVE)

  • My test tracked 2 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:

    free online dating free online dating
    You scored higher than 24% on ABC

    free online dating free online dating
    You scored higher than 53% on XYZ
    Link: The Quick and Painless ENNEAGRAM Test written by felk on Ok Cupid, home of the 32-Type Dating Test

    (no subject)

    Okay, for all of you wondering about this person who has added you to their journal. I am the blogger formerly known as NeoLorax. I am going through some major changes and I have decided to make use of this new journal as it should more closely reflect whop I am becomming at this time in my life. I am known as Brandon, and I am looking to start using this journal alot more than the last.


    you're The phantom of the Opera

    cool,misterius, hipnotic, possesive, and you like

    things to be made your way

    In sleep he sang to me, in dreams he came, that

    voice which calls to me, and speaks my name,

    and do I dream again? for now I find
    The phantom of the opera is there inside my mind

    Sing once again with me, our strange

    power over you
    grows stronger yet, and though you
    turn from me to glance behind, The Phantom of the

    Opera is there inside my mind

    Those who have seen your face, draw back in fear, I

    am the mask you wear
    It's me they hear

    Your/my spirit and my voice, in one combined: The

    phantom of the opera is there inside your/my


    In all your fantasies, you always knew that man and

    Were both in you

    And in this labyrinth, where night is blind, the

    phantom of the opera is there inside my/your


    Which phantom of the opera song are you
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